I can be a very emotional person. While my emotions run deep, I am very good at hiding them, something I learned to do in my youth. This has not always served me well, but it is how I am. What this means is that my emotions do not often surface, but when they do, they usually manifest themselves strongly.
As an example, last Saturday I took my wife and four youngest children to the movies. We saw "The Croods". Its an animated story about a family of cavemen who stay in their cave all the time, except for the occasional trip outside to gather food. The dad's main focus is keeping the family safe, and he does that by teaching his family to be afraid of everything, to never try anything different, and to stay in the cave. His family consists of himself, his wife, his mother-in-law, an older teenage daughter, a younger teenage son, and a two year old baby. The plot consists of the family having to leave their cave because of a natural disaster, and the growing up of the older daughter as she leaves the cave without permission, and meets a young man who is traveling alone, away from the natural disasters that are coming.
The reason I am talking about this movie is because of the relationship between the father and the daughter. The daughter is old enough to leave home and to strike out on her own (with a boy, no less!) The father is unprepared for this, and fights to keep everything the way it has always been. He has the need to protect, but he also wants to maintain the status quo. He and his daughter eventually work through this, and the movie ends on a happy note.
While this isn't an exact parallel to my current position in life, I found myself sobbing for the entire second half of the movie. I have known for months now that my oldest daughter, Erin, will be leaving home for college in August. We have been through graduations, campus tours, buying a toaster, opening bank accounts, and all the other preparations for her to leave home. These events have been affecting me, but I have kept the emotions inside, wanting to maintain the status quo. My denial was working perfectly until I went to that dumb movie. It felt like the lid had suddenly been taken off of a bottle of soda pop that had been shaken hard first. There was an initial explosion, then it just kept coming. I found myself still crying occasionally three hours after the movie ended. It was completely unexpected.
As I have reflected on this, I am glad that my emotions were so strong. I would worry if they were otherwise. I will miss her. I will miss the way things have been, but I look forward to the way things will be. I could not and would not deny her the happiness and growth that will come to her in her life, notwithstanding the pain and sorrow that will surely come as well. Such is the plan for our salvation. I would like to think I am coming to understand a little bit how our Heavenly Father must feel as He sends his children away from home to experience new things. It hurts Him, knowing what's coming, but He would not deny us the experience. He will help us along the way, and be waiting for us with open arms when we make it back.
I love her, and I will do the same to help her when she needs it. May God bless her in her life as she moves forward.
